Ok.

We’re in the middle of a horrid mercury retrograde.  I’m anxious.  On edge.  A little fearful.  Somewhat plagued by self doubt.  But still, I have created this blog.  Is this ill-advised?  Should I know better?  We will find out.

I’m here today because I want to try an experiment.  We are in a terrible recession and I am giving my notice at my place of employment today.  I have almost no backup plan.  I have a little help and a little money to live off, but that’s about it.  A wonderful…well…I don’t know really how to describe her…a wonderful ‘intuitive coach’ recently provided me a powerful confirmation, that leaving my job is the right thing to do.  I have a friend who also had a reading 2000 miles away recently and I came up in it.  Her reader said almost the same thing.  I admit.  I believe in that.  I just hope I’m doing the right thing.

So here I am.  And here’s a little of the story:  I have a good job.  However, my inner world needs an update.  I feel so…restricted…like I can’t really do what I feel I am bursting to do.  That is only a reflection on me, and nothing else.  I like to write and travel.  I am working on manuscripts and trying my hand at freelance writing.  So, that’s what I’m going to do.  I’m going to take the advice of all the spiritual books, all the positive coaches, and my gut, and try to follow my passions, wherever they go.  I am going to pray, meditate, and try to reclaim a sense of discipline and order in my life to see if I can be a different Josh.  A new Josh.

Here’s how:  (1) I am going to attempt to discipline myself to meditate every day.  Whether I want to or not.  I practice a form of yoga called Kriya, and I am going to try to do that every day, or just simple quiet breathing.  Whether I want to or not.  (2) I am going to pray every day.  Not in the usual way we might think.  I’m not going to go all 100% religious, in terms of ‘doing’ prayer.  I am simply going to find a quiet way to commune with whatever higher power is up there, or down here, or around here.  I am going to try this each day, whether I want to or not; (3) I am going to try to ‘create’ my life each day.  In other words, I am going to test the gods and the power of positive thinking.  But not just a fleeting thought.  I am going to try to take a minute each day to see my world as I wish it to be, and to give true thanks…to manifest a vision of positivity that I hope to see in my world.  I am going to try this each day, whether I want to or not.

These approaches may change.  I may try new things.  But this is the foundation of putting my ‘house’ in order…of regaining a rhythm in my life, as another great teacher told me.  These are things I know I need to do, but I have become lax.  And my inner world reflects that.  As well as my outer world.

Here are my tools:  (1) I am 35.  I was told this is just a number.  (2) I have a little money in my checkbook.  I hope this is just a number!  (3) I have some family support to help me get through while I try to figure all of this out.  (4) I have studied spirituality, religion, philosophy, law, ethics, and counseling, and am going to see if I can put these tools to good use.  Knowing things intellectually is not the answer.  We have to live it lovingly.  (5) And I have a simple message from my intuitive coach to try to fall backward into life, with the assurance that the only true assurance is that I will fall, with the wind through my hair.

All I can tell you is this:  I don’t know how long this will last.  I don’t know if I can do this.  I don’t know if anyone will read this.  I don’t know if punishing mercury will thwart this new endeavor…new but old.  All I know is, I feel compelled and I am going to try.

This is a life experiment.  I am testing on myself.

Wish me luck, Josh!

Ok.  Good luck.

-NJ